Pain Of Salvation - Vocari Dei
I just want you to speak to me.
I'm still waiting for you, God. I pray because it deserves to be finished. Goodbye god, goodbye to you all.
I don't trust in any god, I don't know who god is, but I know what god should be.
Well take a look here, take a good look at what you've created.
- Hi god, this is Lorenzo, I wanted to ask you something. Why life is so hard? Why love is so cruel? why I can't really be me, not someone else. I just want to be me.
Hey, god, this is (??). I just called to thank you for being with me when my life seemed to fall apart. You carried me through my darkest hours and I'm very grateful for that. Thank you.
- Hi god, it's me from earth. I know you haven't returned any of my previous calls, but maybe you're simply not there. But here it goes again. I wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be part of this world, but didn't you also give us people the minds to explore and question? So where are you? and where have you been when we needed you the most?
(???? ?? ?? ?? ?) I must be drunk or far away, for I no longer believe in you anymore. So I talked to another priestess, cuz I figured this out, for all the horror, the grief and suffering in this world, either you are a cruel entity for not changing things, or you don't exist.
- Please tell me why these horrible things happen? Why did those two towers have to fall? and how can you let that happen? Does there have to be such hatred in this world? Why must society struggle to build, (??? ??) tolerance?
I've prayed every day for weeks now, why won't you answer my prayers? Prove to me and so many others why I should continue to pray? I have faith in my friends and my family, isn't that enough?
- Child mumbling: "Hello, hellooo"
Please god, if you exist, help me believe that the world is real, that I am real, and that my feelings are real, that we are more than just a coincidence.
- This world has what we can give.
(same as 15) Speak to me, I wont ask you to save me, I just want you to speak to me.
- Hi, and I apologize to you for, you know. I just want to say I'm sorry, and, thank you. Oh, and one more thing, please, help me fly.
Please, come and take me away from this shit, I cant take it any more. They're all devouring me, I have no?? left. I'm so lost. God? (cries)
- Kamisama-san,naze sensou, naze shi,naze kiga.naniwodesuka.omaeha naniwotameniiru.sayonara.(in English)Dear God,why is there war? why is there death? why is there starvation?What for?What is your reason to be?...Good-bye...
Geia Thee, anarwtiemai... Poso shmantikoi s' auto ton kosmo? pou phgainoume? (in English) Hello God, I wonder...what are we? What's our importance in this world? Where are we going to?
- Aah, yeah, er, listen god, um, I'd just like to say a really big thank you on behalf of e, everybody. Thanks for getting the whole thing started, and for getting it off the ground, but, I think that this time we have really screwed things up, and I am so, so sorry.
I need you now, I need you.
其中讓我最感同身受的是第18段留言。如果我相信這世上有神，而且要留言給祂的話，應該也是會這麼說，並提出"help me fly"這種無理的請求吧！還有第8段，這也是我常有的困擾，為什麼這世界常常不能讓我們做自己？即使我們只想做自己是這麼微小的願望。這不禁又讓我想起70年代的名片「飛越杜鵑窩」，「精神病院」其實是對社會適應不良者的控制與囚禁的象徵，即使他們根本沒有生理上的「病」，只是無法適應社會生活與規範而已。「他們」將這些「病患」隔離起來，強迫他們遵守院方的規則，就像hide solo時舞台上的巨大眼珠一樣，無時無刻的監視、制約、規定。為了禁止他們賭博，冷酷的護士長（片中「制約者」的象徵）沒收他們所有的香煙，改採配給制。其中一位平常還蠻溫馴的病患，終於崩潰的哭叫起來：「憑什麼你們可以拿走一切？支配一切？再告訴我們這個可以，那個不可以？」看到這一幕，我也哭了。
- 真的，人生真的是充滿疑問，常常會讓人想問為什麼。可是通常都不會有回答的聲音，我想，那是因為就像Dream Theater的歌詞說的，"the answer lies within"吧？或許當問題成立的時候，答案就已經在其中了，只是自己要設法去理解。不過，總是有太難理解的狀況，或太難度過的傷痛，需要留言給更高的主宰。想到這點，心裡就有種深深的悲傷，因為知道我們人類的極限與渺小。就像今天看到「國民大會」在討論米勒的畫，原來「晚禱」本來打算題名為「糟糕的馬鈴薯收成」，頓時明白，看似優美田園抒情詩的畫面，其實是無可奈何，只能求助於上帝的悲傷。我的淚水也在眼眶中打轉，想到太多我所聽聞或親自接觸過，卻不忍寫下來的故事，跟小資產階級的多愁善感、風花雪月無關的，真真實實的人生中的慘痛。因為一寫我又要哭，所以或許等我堅強一點以後。
可是我瞭解...雖然表面上老是嘻嘻哈哈的，其實也曾經一把鼻涕一把眼淚的跟我們的菩薩哭訴過、提問過、祈求過—趁老闆不在研究室。人生中就是會有這種過不去的軟弱時候，而菩薩總是默默的看顧著我。或許我們芸芸眾生真的很可笑又很可嘆吧！不過，又能怎麼辦呢？"I just want you to speak to me."